Remembrance of Things Past
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: He had forgotten her, she had died for them, and he only knew her first name. The Doctor's thoughts with the aftermath of 'When A Good Man Goes To War'


How could he forget her?

He was _the Doctor_, he wasn't supposed to forget.

Leaning heavily on the consol, he heard the TARDIS hum slightly, trying to soothe him with the simple sound. That was why he loved this ship, it was so, so much more than a ship. She could anticipate his needs, but it wasn't enough, not this time anyway. He had forgotten her, Lorna, the brave young woman who tried to find him.

He had ran with so many now, he was losing them, his mind unable to contain the amount of people he met on his travels.

Unable to cope with the amount of people who had sacrificed themselves for him.

Davros... River... They had all seen who he was. He wasn't a Doctor. He had stopped helping the universe long ago. Sure, he helped individuals, but the impact of that had led him to this. It had led him to so, so much death. Was he really good anymore?

Not even Amy or Rory could look him in the eye properly. When they did, he saw haunted people, humans that had been shown too much, and blamed him for opening their eyes.

It was his fault. All his fault.

Moving with the gait of a man closer to one thousand, than one in the body of a twenty something, he sat down in one of the many seats, propping his legs up on the consol. The TARDIS had stopped humming, now everything was silent, and he had nothing but his own thoughts left to distract him.

The faces streamed through his memory, refreshed only by Davros, making them clearer than they had been in years.

How could he not have remembered them?

Hearing to door open, the familiar creak of the aged wood followed by footsteps. Heels clacked against the grating of the floor. A woman then? Not Amy, Amy wasn't wearing shoes. Perhaps Vastra? But he doubted the Silurian would wear that sort of footwear into battle. That only really left one: River.

"Hello Sweetie, playing hide and seek are we?" asked River, leaning against the consul.

"No, I'm thinking," came the curt reply. He never wanted to talk, let alone to the woman who could have helped him stop this... but a mind as old as his recognised that as a lie. She could have done nothing to prevent this outcome, just like he had done everything to cause it.

"You're always thinking, darling," corrected River, smiling at him.

"I don't need this right now," he hissed, giving her a glare that would have had a Dalek heading for the hills. River never moved. Trust him to pick the one woman who wasn't intimidated by him.

"I wasn't aware there was a 'this' all I was aware of was you moping in the TARDIS," she bit back, the easy banter gone, replaced by cold determination.

"I'm not moping!"

"Yes you are, now, what is the matter? I'm a doctor, you can trust me," the flirty voice was back at the end, and the change of tone was doing nothing for his mood.

"I forgot her," he said quietly, "I've forgotten so many."

"You've forgotten about who?"

"Lorna, along with so many of the others I made sacrifice themselves for me," he replied, "They did so much, and yet I just moved on, started travelling with a new companion like they hadn't even existed."

"They never sacrificed themselves only for you. Not everything is about you, Doctor. Even if you don't remember, their deeds will be carried by someone. No one can carry their ghosts around with them forever, no matter how hard they try. It's healthy to forget, just as it is to remember," River smiled sadly at him, her words reminding him painfully that one day they would meet, she wouldn't remember him, and vice versa.

He stayed silent, wishing more than ever that she would leave. No one should witness this, he should be alone.

"There are people out there who need your help! This day would hardly be iconic if you sat around wishing for things that were impossible," pressed River, crossing her arms., challenging him to respond.

"There are people out there who shouldn't have even been involved, this is _my_ fault River, and I don't know how to fix it!" he admitted, running his fingers through his hair, and wincing as a couple of strands were pulled loose.

"They are here by choice, you never forced any of them to answer your call. Like it or not, Sweetie, you're not that intimidating," replied River, moving to sit next to him.

"What if I forget them too? What if the people out there fade just like the others? It isn't fair!"

"Well you know how I love to keep diaries, you really should try it sometime," replied River.

"Diaries aren't manly," protested the Doctor, his lips tugging into a smile.

"Journal then, whatever keeps your pride happy," laughed River.

"I should go out there," he said finally.

"Yes, you should, but guess what? I'm coming with you," said River, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the door with him grumbling half heartedly on the way.

Trust him to pick the only woman in the universe who could cheer him up.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'll admit I was really hesitant in posting this up. I was introduced to Doctor Who fanfiction a few days ago, and so I'm still trying to get used to the characters - if there are any gaping mistakes then please tell me. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this, and I would appreciate it if you dropped me a review :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Doctor Who, if I did, then I would probably screw up history..._

_I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this story._


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